


The Man Who Forgets

by Arynphallia



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Not Beta Read, Reunions, The Doctor Misses Rose Tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23260000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arynphallia/pseuds/Arynphallia
Summary: He's the Man Who Forgets.But he can never really forget.Lord knows he's tried. Everytime after losing someone, he tries. Fights down the memories and the tears, struggles to move on and not be lonely even after the most steadfast of friends have left him.But he cannot forget and they never truly leave him.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 14
Kudos: 122





	The Man Who Forgets

He's the Man Who Forgets. 

It's better than The Time Lord Victorious, so far as titles go. But it's also a lie. Which, he supposes, fits in with the whole _rule one: the Doctor lies_ thing River seems to have foisted on to him. Truth is he hates lying, at least to his companions. Sure, he's done it before and he'll probably have to do it again, but if they would listen to him more regularly, he wouldnt have to lie to get them to do what he needs them to.

He's the Man Who Forgets.

But he can never really forget. 

Lord knows he's tried. Everytime after losing someone, he tries. Fights down the memories and the tears, struggles to move on and not be lonely even after the most steadfast of friends have left him. 

But he cannot forget and they never truly leave him. 

They linger like ghosts on the TARDIS, waiting for just the right moment to rear up and take him by surprise with memories and pain. 

He suspects that the TARDIS does some of it, to make sure that he never loses himself. And it's not that he doesn't appreciate the sentiment, but it _hurts_ to enter the library and see the copy of _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ that Charley had forgotten when she'd left him. Or when the TARDIS redecorated the library and pulled his old desk out of storage. He'd spent so many hours at it helping Jamie learn to read that he'd made certain it'd been banished to the depths of one of the storage bays soon as his third self had remembered how to do so. 

There are other scattered reminders too; he's had so many people over the years, they're bound to leave things behind. 

The worst part is when the memories merge, though. 

He'll never forget Donna shoving one of Ace's old notebooks at him and demanding to know why some girl had been making explosives. 

Donna is a sad memory, one of his biggest regrets. 

And though he'd like to be able to organize them, to name one that is _the worst_ , there are too many now for him to manage

Donna had deserved better. And in hindsight, maybe it would have been better to let her die like she'd asked him to. But he couldn't. Not so soon after losing Rose.

  
  


He's the Man Who Forgets. 

But he'd promised Sarah-Jane he'd never forget her. And it's one he'll keep. 

He'd promised Martha he'd answer her old cell if she ever called, and he still would. But she hasn't. 

And he promised Rose that she wouldn't just become another in a long line. She can't. He'd promised. 

But he spends so much time trying to distract himself, running faster than he ever has. Ponds and River Song, Vincent van Gogh and Vastra. But he's trapped with a home that will never let him forget, no matter how much he wants to.

Sometimes he wishes he could forget Rose.

Sometimes he does forget about her. Just long enough to forget why he would need to. 

She lingers in the TARDIS more strongly than the others, remnants scattered 'round like they were the day she left. 

The galley may be a completely different design; trending more toward something sleek and modern instead of the cozy, sun lit space that Rose would have been familiar with, but her mug is always next to the sinks with the tea ring stained into the bottom that never fades after endless washes. 

Her favorite blanket lives on the back of one of the sofas in the library. It still smells like her, which the Doctor doesn't understand, but he appreciates it on those days where he can't stand trying to forget her any more. 

The memories nearly overwhelm him sometimes. 

He'll stumble across something simple like one of her scarves in the wardrobe room and all he can think about is the wind in her hair during that trip to Cardiff with Jack and Mickey.

Sometimes, it's a jam jar- the special one she'd labeled as his so he'd stop sticking his fingers in her's. It's been unopened ever since. 

If he closes his eyes, he can be back in the sun lit galley, dancing at one am while their tea gets cold just to make her laugh. 

***

He's the Man Who Forgets. 

And he thinks he's finally managed to do it properly this time. 

His eighth self with the ridiculous hair and the velvet jacket had certainly given it a good go. 

But this body is much better and finally forgetting and letting things stay forgotten. 

His ghosts can't haunt him if the shapes of their faces mean nothing, if the perfume that clings to the blanket in the library reminds him of nothing more than the vague floral scent it seems to be imitating. 

He feels lighter than he has in centuries. 

If Clara notices anything, she doesn't mention it. 

But then his past literally has to show up in a leather jacket with a posh accent, not northern, asking for answers to questions he had to force himself to forget to be able to survive. 

And sand shoes and Pinstripes is _so_ self righteous, as if his suffering makes him better.

Neither of them will ever understand, not, atleast, until they're in his shoes. 

***

He doesn't realize he's been waiting until it happens. Just two little words, whispered in a first of happiness and all the walls he'd built to keep himself sane shatter

And it hurts. More than anything has in such a long time. 

Because he can remember _her_ properly now. Every expression Pinstripes had taken such care to preserve in his memory, every lingering look and too-long-to-be-platonic hug. 

God he was such a fool to ever think that forgetting her would make him better. 

***

He's the Man Who Forgets.

Only, he's remembered. 

So what does that mean? He ponders as his past selves finally get back to their proper timelines. _Gallifrey Falls_ mocks him, but he can't shake the feeling of hope that's overtaken everything else. 

He'd lost his faith for too long, and it's a relief to have it back. 

Someone is coming, he can hear the soft rubber soles of their shoes moving across the floor. Maybe it's one of the new UNIT lackeys, maybe it's another version of him- that would be an interesting way to end the day. 

But he doesn't have to turn and look to know who it is. 

The second her hand slips into his, their fingers automatically twine and she gives him a light squeeze. 

Not a Zygon, they'd have no one to copy; there's no other logical explanation his mind can come up with other than her actually being here, with him. Impossible as that is. 

She doesn't speak and he has to break the silence, for fear it might all just be a dream. "Saved a planet today."

She makes a sound that's very close to a giggle and he relishes it, even if he still can't bring himself to look at her. "Is that supposed to sound impressive?"

He has to look at her, has to prove to himself that this is real, not just some complex hallucination conjured up by the sudden influx of his memories of her. 

Her eyes are more gold than he remembers. Her hair less violently blonde, but other than that, she's unchanged, smiling at him with her tongue in the corner of her mouth. 

"Rose," he breathes, unable to think of anything more complex than, _she's actually her_.

"Hello Doctor."


End file.
